I've never been happier than I am when I'm with you
by this-book-has-been-loved
Summary: A series of moments between Shiro and Adam, from beginning to end. (sidenote: why isn't there a character tag for Adam?)


**1.**

By all accounts, it was just another Tuesday.

Shiro's alarm had gone off at six in the morning. He'd gone through the morning drills, had a quick breakfast in the commissary, then headed to his first class of the day: physics.

It was then, as he was leaving class, that his routine was interrupted.

As he was turning the corner, a force crashed into him, sending notebooks flying. With a yelp of surprise, Shiro stumbled backwards, reaching out to steady himself against the wall.

It was another cadet, brown hair disheveled and glasses knocked askew. "I'm so sorry," they both said, speaking over each other.

Shiro chuckled as they both dropped to their knees to pick up the books and papers that lay scattered across the hall floor. "You okay?"

"Yeah, sorry," the other boy said, gathering a stack of papers in his arms. "That was my fault, I should have been watching where I was going." He smiled sheepishly, and something about it struck a chord within Shiro.

Shiro stood up, holding out a hand to the other cadet. "Takashi Shirogane," he introduced. "But most people call me Shiro."

"Nice to meet you, Takashi," the other boy replied as Shiro helped him to his feet. "I'm Adam." He glanced at his watch and winced. "I'm also late," he added. "I gotta run. Uh, see you around?"

"Yeah," Shiro replied, but Adam was already gone.

 _Takashi_ , Shiro reflected, smiling to himself as he walked back towards his dorm. _He called me Takashi_.

It wasn't until he got back to his room and discovered that the notebook he'd taken back with him wasn't his, noting the _A. Wickham_ that was scrawled in the upper right corner.

—

Tracking down one Cadet Adam Wickham after that hadn't been too hard.

(Matt had helped, getting his dad to pull up Adam's record. He was a year ahead of Shiro and Matt, in the pilot program, and Shiro's heart lifted at the fact.)

Shiro found him later that same day, following the schedule that Commander Holt had given him, waiting outside the flight sim deck. And when the doors opened and students began streaming out, Shiro craned his neck, scanning the crowds for that familiar mop of dark hair—

"Adam!" Shiro called, and he saw the boy turn. "Hey, I have your notebook," he said, holding it out. "I think we must have grabbed the wrong ones earlier."

Adam's expression melted from one of confusion to one of gratitude. "Thanks, Takashi," he said, taking the notebook. "Here, I think I have yours in my bag…." He dug around in the messenger bag slung over his shoulder, then triumphantly pulled out the offending book. "Aha!" He presented it to Shiro with a grand flourish.

They stood there another moment, both of them awkwardly clutching their respective notebooks, neither of them making a move to leave.

"Um." Shiro cleared his throat. "Do you maybe wanna go get a coffee, or something?"

Adam's face broke into a smile. "Sure," he said. "Yeah, I'd like that."

* * *

 **6.**

Adam had gone to watch the Kerberos launch.

It had shocked him, when Takashi asked him to be there. With everything that had happened between them recently, from their fight to the way they'd broken off their engagement, Adam hadn't really expected Takashi to still invite him.

But there he was, standing on the observation deck alongside the other Garrison officers, feeling more than a little out of place. But Takashi had specifically requested it, and despite everything, Adam couldn't find it in him to refuse. And so he'd stood between Commander Iverson and Admiral Sanda, watching as the shuttle launched.

It was glorious. With a blast of fire and a cloud of smoke, the shuttle took off, and Adam kept his gaze trained on it, until it was just a tiny speck against the blue of the sky.

Most of the people on the observation deck were there clinically. They cared about the program, about the shuttle, about the mission— cheering when the ship took off without a hitch, frantically monitoring the flight on their datapads, already congratulating each other on their success.

But at the far end of the deck, there were three people that seemed as somber as Adam felt. The first two, the Holts—well, Adam had never been as close with their family as Takashi had. But the third figure, standing by himself and staring longingly at the spot in the sky where the shuttle had disappeared, was a cadet all too familiar to Adam.

Adam hadn't spoken to Keith since the break-up, but he found himself drawn to the boy now, coming to stand beside him. "Hey."

Keith looked at him in mild surprise. "Hi."

They were silent for a long moment, neither of them entirely sure what to say.

After a minute, Keith turned back towards the cloudless sky. "It's gonna be weird with him gone."

Adam hummed in agreement. _Weird_ was certainly one way to put it, but things had already been like that for a while now. "You gonna be okay?"

Keith shrugged. "I don't know what I'm gonna do without him," he confessed softly. "He's the entire reason I'm here at all. And he's all that _kept_ me here. Without him—" His voice cracked, and his grip on the deck's railing tightened.

Adam felt a pang in his heart, and he softened. "I'm still here," he promised. "Let me know if you ever need anything, okay? I know I'm not Takashi, but…."

Keith sighed. "Thanks."

They fell into a comfortable silence after that, staring upwards, lost in thought.

When Adam got back to the Garrison base, there was a large crowd of students in the assembly room, watching a news broadcast that was recapping the launch.

" _This truly is a momentous day in human history_ ," the newscaster was saying. " _If successful, the Kerberos Mission will mark the farthest that anyone has traveled from Earth. We're making history here, folks_."

Adam lingered for a moment, staring at the screen, then sighed and turned down the hall in the direction of his apartment.

He didn't sleep very well that night.

Everything felt too _empty_.

In the months that followed, Adam caught himself looking towards the stars more often than usual, thinking back on all the nights that he and Takashi had stared up at them together, thinking about how Takashi would be seeing them from an entirely different angle now.

Adam didn't have high enough clearance to view information about the Kerberos mission. He was never sure exactly where in space Takashi was at any given point. But he wondered, constantly— _what is it you're seeing now? Is it worth it?_

* * *

 **3.**

When Adam met his boyfriend's roommate for the first time, he wasn't entirely sure what to think.

He was prepared to be jealous (after all, they _shared a room_ —what if something happened?), no matter how many times he told himself that was ridiculous.

He was prepared to hate him (his dad was a Garrison officer—did he even get in on his own merit?), no matter that he knew better than that.

He was prepared to be extremely uncomfortable (whether due to an excessive amount of questions regarding "the whole gay thing", or due to lack of conversation), no matter that Takashi had assured him it'd be fine.

All those thoughts went out the window within two minutes of actually meeting Matt Holt.

The two of them clicked immediately, and Adam suddenly found himself roped into all their schemes, from late-night movie marathons to sneaking out to hit to town.

And one of those schemes he was suddenly introduced to, was the tradition of fuck-with-Iverson night.

"I'm sorry, _what_?!"

"Fuck-with-Iverson night," Matt repeated. "We do this, like, every month."

Adam shot an incredulous glance at Shiro, who simply shrugged in response. "It helps alleviate stress."

Adam was flabbergasted. "What if you get caught?"

"Hasn't happened yet."

"Psh, it's fine," Matt said, waving his hand dismissively. "I have my dad's access code. He gave it to me in case of emergencies."

"Something tells me this doesn't really apply."

"What my dad doesn't know won't kill him."

Adam sighed, burying his face in his hands. "Are you sure this is a good idea?"

"Adam, my friend," Matt said, slinging an arm around Adam's shoulders. "Hasn't there even been something that Iverson did or said to you that made you want to just clock him across the face?"

Adam pinched the bridge of his nose. "If I'm being honest? Not really."

Shiro crossed his arms. "What about that time he kicked you out of class after you beat that one flight sim by executing what was _technically_ an illegal move?"

That gave Adam pause. "Well—"

"Or when he derailed the entire class for a good quarter-hour, lecturing us on the importance of punctuality, that time when you ran in thirty seconds past the bell?"

Adam narrowed his eyes. "Damn hypocrite, as though he wasn't late the week before that."

"See?" Matt was beaming. " _That's_ what I'm talking about! Let's get this party started."

The halls were empty. "The goal is to annoy him without making it obvious that someone did anything," Matt explained as the three of them made their way towards his office. "A few months ago, we hid his stapler and took all his paperclips."

Adam shook his head, dumbfounded.

"And last month," Shiro added, "we moved all his furniture one inch to the left."

"Our ultimate goal is to remove one desk from every classroom in the building," Matt finished.

Adam raised an eyebrow. "And put them _where_?"

Matt opened his mouth to respond, paused, then frowned. "Hm. Might have to keep workshopping that one."

Adam sighed. "I can't believe you two," he murmured. "I can't believe you convinced me to do this."

Matt started to laugh, but Shiro quickly motioned him to be quiet. "It's past curfew," he reminded them. "We have to be quiet."

The three of them stopped down the hall from Iverson's office. Adam poked his head around the corner, his gaze zeroing in on the light shining from under his door. "Looks like he's inside."

Shiro checked his watch. "He should be leaving for patrol in a couple minutes."

And sure enough, the light clicked off, and Iverson stepped through the open door. They all held their breath as they waited for the sound of his footsteps to pass. After a minute, Matt took Adam by the wrist and pulled him towards the office door.

"Shiro's on distraction," Matt explained, punching his dad's code into the keypad, "in case someone finds us. They'll let him get away with anything."

Once inside the office, Matt went straight for Iverson's desk. Adam paused, looking around the room apprehensively. "What now?"

"Rearrange his bookshelf," Matt whispered, shoving a tape dispenser into his pocket. "Like, reverse-alphabetically, or something."

Adam pursed his lips, folding his hands in front of his face as he stared contemplatively at the bookcase in question. "Or," he mused, "by _color_."

" _Yes_."

When organizing a bookcase, it's typically done alphabetically (whether by title or by author's last name), or by genre. Organizing by color would make it much more difficult to find anything.

Plus, it made a rainbow.

Adam was quite fond of rainbows.

He and Matt were ten minutes into their escapade when they heard Shiro's voice outside the door. "He's on his way back," he said softly. "Commander Holt's with him."

"Shit," Matt hissed. He closed Iverson's laptop and lunged for the light switch, plunging the room into darkness.

Adam peered through the peephole. "Looks clear," he reported. "We should—"

"Shirogane!"

Adam cursed. "Never mind."

Outside the door, Shiro snapped to attention. "Commander Iverson!"

"Curfew was over an hour ago," Iverson barked. "What are you doing out of your barrack?"

"Apologies, sir," Shiro replied. "I was having trouble sleeping, so I went for a walk to help clear my head."

"Something on your mind?" Sam asked.

While they were talking, Matt came up to stand beside Adam. "How's it look?"

"I can see Shiro," he replied. "But Iverson's further down the hall. I don't think he can see the door from his angle."

Matt nodded. "Alright. Let's go, but be careful."

The two of them softly slipped out of the door. Shiro, in the midst of some story involving his recent scores in the simulator, raised his voice a bit to cover them.

When the door clicked shut, Sam's eyes flickered towards them, and Matt caught his gaze. At Sam's raised eyebrow, Matt offered him a shrug and a sheepish grin.

' _Sorry_ ,' Adam mouthed. He took Matt by the arm and the two of them crept down the hall.

"Anyways," Shiro finished. "I'm sorry for breaking curfew. It won't happen again."

Sam was desperately trying to hide his smile. "Thank you, Shiro."

"You're a good man, cadet," Iverson added, clapping him on the shoulder. "Get some rest."

"Yes, sir. Good night!"

With that, Shiro walked down the hall after Adam and Matt. Once they were a safe distance away, the three of them broke into a run, racing through the halls back to the dorms.

As soon as they were safely back inside Shiro and Matt's room, they collapsed into peals of laughter.

"I can't believe this," Adam gasped. "He just _let you go_."

Matt was grinning. "I told you, Shiro's the Golden Child. I mean, just look at him! He'd never do anything wrong."

Shiro laughed again. "It helped that your dad was there."

"Speaking of which," Adam said, looking over at Matt, "I hope you're not in too much trouble."

Matt shook his head. "Nah. Dad once told me that he used to do shit like this all the time when he was a student. We'll be fine."

"But," Shiro countered, "we should probably tone things down a bit."

Matt huffed. "Guess we're postponing the chair plan."

Adam rolled his eyes. "You guys are crazy," he decided. "But that was a lot of fun."

Smiling widely, Matt threw one arm around his shoulders and the other around Shiro's. "Oh, Adam," he said. "Welcome to the club. You're just as crazy as the rest of us."

* * *

 **7.**

The news of the Kerberos mission failure hit Adam like a brick wall.

The higher-ups had wanted to keep it hushed, at least until they had time to notify the Holts and conduct a proper investigation into the matter. But word had spread through the ranks like wildfire.

Adam hadn't wanted to believe it at first. He'd brushed it off as another rumor, and done his best to continue through his day as though it hadn't affected him at all. But then he started noticing the looks he was getting from the other officers, the looks of pity and remorse and sympathy—the solemn way that everyone was acting—the hushed conversations that stopped the moment he entered the room—

He needed answers.

Adam marched down the halls, past the sad looks of his coworkers and the confused glances of his students, until he reached the door to Iverson's office.

He pushed open the door forcefully, storming inside. "Is it true?"

Commander Iverson startled, looking up in shock. "Lieutenant Wickham—"

"Tell me the truth," Adam demanded, fists clenched as he stared Commander Iverson down. "I need to know."

There was a long pause as the two of them watched each other, and then Iverson sighed. He reached inside one of his desk drawers to pull out a manilla folder. "Here," he said, holding it across the desk to Adam. "It's the official report."

Adam's hands were shaking.

Iverson met Adam's eyes, and his expression was one of deep regret. "I'm sorry, Adam."

That was confirmation enough. Adam didn't even need to read the report to understand that Takashi was gone for good.

He read it anyways, locked inside his room in the middle of the night, when no one could interrupt him.

When no one would hear the sounds of the file hitting the wall, when no one would hear his cries of distress, when no one would hear his _screams_.

Dead.

Takashi was _dead_.

The report was brief, mentioning that the Garrison had stopped receiving transmissions, that they'd viewed the footage from the rover that had been sent with them, that they'd sent out additional probes to investigate further, that it appeared the shuttle had crashed….

 _Pilot error_.

Those two words stood out to him the most, stabbing at his eyes—they might as well have been burned into his eyelids.

Takashi was dead and it was his own damn fault.

Adam's mind was running a million miles an hour, replaying every moment they'd had together, from the day they'd met to the day he'd left.

 _"Do you maybe wanna go get a coffee, or something?"_

When Takashi had confessed to printing out a copy of Adam's schedule, just so he could see him again.

 _"I think I'm falling in love with you."_

The night he knew that this was the person he'd wanted to spend the rest of his life with, no matter how early and tentative their relationship had been at the time.

 _"I've never been happier than I am when I'm with you."_

How happy he'd been that day, the ring box weighing down his pocket, the surprise in Takashi's eyes when he'd pulled it out.

 _"Takashi, how important am_ I _to you?"_

And the day their relationship of nearly seven years had fallen apart, when Takashi had so desperately fought to go on the very mission that had now cost him his life.

 _"Don't expect me to be here when you get back."_

How ironic, that he wouldn't even be coming back at all.

Adam choked on his tears, digging through his bedside drawer to find that old framed photograph he could never bring himself to throw out, of the two of them in their flight suits, posing together after Takashi had broken yet another record.

"I'm sorry, Takashi," Adam rasped. " _I'm so sorry_."

—

 _The Galaxy Garrison mission to the distant moon of Kerberos is missing, and all crew members are believed to be dead. The Galaxy Garrison has said the crash was presumably caused by pilot error. It is, indeed, a sad day for all humanity._

* * *

 **2.**

The curfew for Garrison cadets was at ten. They were expected to be in their rooms by then, and the Garrison had guards patrolling the halls to make sure no one snuck out.

But Shiro refused to let that deter him.

"Come on," he urged Adam as the two of them slipped down the dark hallway.

"This is against the rules," Adam said anxiously.

"That's what makes it fun!" Shiro retorted.

"Takashi, we could get in trouble."

"Only if we get caught!"

"Yeah, that's what I'm worried about."

Shiro stopped to open a door, holding it open for his boyfriend. "Relax," he said, once they were safe inside the stairwell. He took Adam's hand. "It's going to be fine. I promise."

Adam sighed. "Okay. What was it you wanted to show me?"

Shiro's face broke into a grin. "This way." He ran up the stairs, Adam on his heels, until they reached the door at the top. From there, Shiro simply tapped at the console beside the door, entering a series of numbers. "It's Commander Holt's access code," he explained. "Matt gave it to me."

Adam shook his head in disbelief.

The lock clicked, and Shiro opened the door. He bowed grandly, holding it open. "After you."

"The roof?" Adam asked, raising an eyebrow as he stepped outside.

"Mm-hmm," Shiro confirmed. He ducked around one of the air vents, grabbing a large basket. "And that's not all!"

Adam's eyes widened. " _Takashi_."

"The sky's clear, the stars are out, there's not a cloud in sight," he continued, pulling a blanket out of the basket and laying it out. "I figured it's the perfect night for some stargazing." He dug around in the basket a bit more, producing a box of cookies and a six-pack of coke. "I also brought snacks." He paused, looking over at his boyfriend, flushed bright red. "So…what do you think?"

Adam, still standing by the door to the stairwell, had his hands over his mouth in surprise. He let out a quick laugh, his cheeks turning pink. And then he was in Shiro's arms and they were hugging and they were kissing and fireworks were going off behind Shiro's eyelids and everything felt _right_.

"It's perfect," Adam told him after he'd pulled away. "Thank you."

They laid there together for hours, side-by-side on the roof, staring up at the stars.

"You can see Mars tonight," Adam commented.

"And Jupiter."

"You got a favorite constellation?"

Shiro hummed. "I've always been partial to Leo," he decided. "The lion, ya know? It's all about bravery, and facing your fears. You?"

Adam chuckled. "I've never been able to choose," he said. "When I see the stars, I don't like to just pick out certain stars. I like looking at the whole."

"I can't wait to get up there," Shiro breathed. "See the rest of the universe. The stars, they've always felt like an invitation to me, like they're just waiting to show me everything that's out there." He looked over at Adam. "Is that weird?"

"I don't think so," Adam replied. "I mean, we're studying to be space explorers, I'd hope that you'd be excited to get out there." They both laughed. "Like an adventure just waiting to happen."

"Yeah."

They settled into a comfortable silence, watching the constellations flicker above them. A shooting star streaked across the sky, disappearing into the distance.

"Hey, Adam?"

"Yeah?"

"I think I'm falling in love with you."

* * *

 **8.**

Something had happened.

But no one would tell him _what_.

He'd been in his room at the time, going over the papers from his students, when the lockdown alarm went off.

"Attention, students," Commander Iverson's voice intoned over the loudspeaker. "This is not a drill. We are on lockdown. Security situation Zulu Niner." Adam frowned. He was familiar with most of the Garrison's emergency codes, but _Zulu Niner_? He hadn't heard of that one. "Repeat: all students are to remain in barracks until further notice."

Adam looked towards his closed door, contemplating. With the other emergency situations, the ones he'd been briefed on, he had orders to follow on where to report and what to do. But this one….

Then again, the order had only called for _students_ to stay in their rooms.

He sighed, standing. "Stopped being a student years ago," he muttered, heading towards the door.

The hallways were almost completely empty, only a few stray officers here and there, hurriedly making their way past him.

No one payed him any attention.

He sped through the base, not entirely sure of his destination. Iverson's office? No, this was bigger than him. The briefing room? Again, Adam dismissed it—there wouldn't be any conferences mid-attack.

So he headed towards the central command center.

There was an officer stationed outside the doors—a commander, judging by his uniform, though his name had slipped Adam's mind. The commander held out a hand, stopping Adam in his tracks. "This doesn't concern you, Lieutenant Wickham," the officer said.

Adam furrowed his brow. "All due respect, sir, but I think I deserve to know what's threatening our base."

"There is no threat," the commander replied. "The situation is being taken care of. Return to your barrack."

"No threat?" Adam echoed incredulously. "Then why the lockdown?"

The commander raised an eyebrow, as though he hadn't expected Adam to question his orders. "It's standard protocol," he said. "The situation is located well outside the Garrison perimeter. There's nothing to worry about. You can return to your barrack."

Adam pursed his lips. "Yes, sir."

 _So whatever this is_ , he mused as he walked away, _it's outside the base_.

He didn't go back to his room. Instead, he headed towards a way out: a set of exterior doors that opened onto the walkway atop the perimeter walls. They were locked, of course, but it wasn't too hard to override the lock—they'd never erased Commander Holt's access code from the system, and Adam still had it memorized.

From the top of the wall, Adam had a clear view of the desert surrounding them, as well as what he assumed to be the cause of their sudden lockdown.

They'd set up one of the emergency structures out in the desert, outside the main facility. A white dome, bustling with activity. From what he could see, they had something else that they were loading onto a truck.

"What is—"

A series of explosions shook the night, further off into the desert, and Adam shot to his feet. He watched as a row of Garrison vehicles set off from the emergency set-up, racing towards the source of the explosions, nearly emptying the camp.

 _Well_ , he thought wryly, _it's now or never_.

He took the stairs, headed down from the walkway to the yard, then ran for the still-open hangar doors. Inside the hangar, it was almost too easy to claim one of the buggies and start it up. Adam grinned, speeding outside the Garrison's perimeter and towards the camp.

He pulled the buggy up short once he reached it, hopping off just in time to watch a cluster of figures on a red hoverbike take off into the night before he could get a good look at any of them. Several Garrison vehicles chased after them, and Adam briefly considered following, until a sharp voice broke through his thoughts.

" _Lieutenant Wickham!_ "

Adam froze, every muscle in his body snapping to attention at the sound of her voice. "Admiral Sanda."

She approached him deliberately, waves of anger rolling off her body. "What do you think you're doing here?"

His jaw tightened, and he scrambled to come up with a plausible excuse. "I came to help," he said. "I wasn't sure what had happened, but I thought I'd offer my assistance in dealing with the situation."

Sanda glowered. "I'm afraid that won't be necessary," she informed him coldly. "You should have stayed inside. We have everything under control."

Adam glanced off to the side, where the hoverbike had disappeared to. "Are you sure? It looked like there was a pursuit—"

"Like I said," she said, more forceful, "we're handling everything. Your assistance won't be needed." She paused, letting her words sink in, then added gravely, "I'm letting you off with a warning, Lieutenant. You will return to your barrack at once, and there will be no future mention of what happened tonight. Understood?"

"I don't even _know_ what happened tonight," he protested.

She grunted. "Good." She turned away from him, waving to a group of soldiers. "Get him out of here," she commanded. "This situation is too emotionally volatile for him."

Before he had a chance to question that, she had walked off, and he was being guided into one of the Garrison's trucks.

When he woke the next morning, he learned that three cadets had gone missing sometime during the lockdown.

The first thing that struck him was that he recognized the name of one of them—Lance McClain, a pilot who'd been in his class the semester prior.

The second thing that struck him was that he recognized the face of another—Pidge Gunderson. Though the name was unfamiliar, the face bore a striking resemblance to Matt Holt, the comm spec from the Kerberos mission.

The third cadet, Hunakai Garrett, wasn't one he knew, but the records indicated he was Lance's roommate, and the engineer for their sim team.

Adam frowned. "What the hell happened last night?"

* * *

 **5.**

Keith had known Shiro for a few months when he was introduced to Adam.

Shiro had mentioned him before, but he'd never gone into much detail. Keith knew the two of them were dating (or engaged?) and that Adam was another Garrison pilot. But beyond that, he wasn't sure.

So when Shiro brought it up, during one of their days spent racing their hover bikes through the red cliffs, Keith was initially shocked.

"You want me to what?"

"I think you should meet Adam," Shiro repeated. "He's been asking about you."

Keith looked away, staring at the sand as he processed that last sentence. It not only implied that Shiro had talked about Keith before, but that he did so enough that Adam had asked to meet him.

He crossed his arms. "You know I don't do well with people."

"Come on," Shiro pleaded. "I think you're really going to get along."

Keith bit his lip. "I…."

Shiro rested a hand on Keith's shoulder. "It'll be fine," he said. "I promise."

At Keith's hesitant acceptance, they scheduled to meet for lunch the following weekend.

It went about as well as Keith had expected.

"Keith," Shiro said, "I'd like you to meet my boyfriend, Adam."

Keith stuck out his hand. "Hi, Lieutenant Wickham."

Adam smiled, shaking his hand. "It's nice to finally meet you, Keith," he said warmly. "I've heard a lot about you."

"Good things," Shiro assured him, and Adam laughed.

The rest of the lunch followed a pattern of stilted conversation and awkward pauses. Keith found himself anxiously jiggling his leg, deflecting conversation at every opportunity.

He was almost glad when it was over.

—

Once Keith made it into the Garrison, he was never sure what to call Adam.

Shiro had introduced him simply as _Adam_. He was more relaxed than the other Garrison officers, not to mention that he was Shiro's fiancé. But Keith felt weird calling him by his first name, especially since he didn't want to slip up and call him that while in class.

But calling him _Lieutenant Wickham_? He couldn't seem to bring himself to do that either—it was too impersonal, too disconnected.

It was a couple months into his first year as a cadet when that changed.

He'd been looking for Shiro. There was something he'd wanted to ask him—a question on his physics assignment that he didn't quite understand. But when he'd knocked at the door to Shiro and Adam's shared apartment at the Garrison, it had been Adam who'd answered.

"Keith," Adam greeted in surprise. "Hey. What's up?"

"Hi," Keith said uncertainly. "I was just, uh, looking for Shiro."

"He's teaching a class right now," Adam replied with an apologetic smile. "Probably won't be back for another hour, at least."

"Oh." Keith paused, scuffing the toe of his boot against the carpet. "I'll come back later, then."

But as he turned to leave, Adam stopped him. "Wait!"

Keith looked back over his shoulder. "Yeah?"

"We just…haven't really gotten to spend much time together," Adam said. After a moment, his eyes lit up. "Oh! I know!" He grinned. "You ever seen the advanced flight simulations?"

—

"Okay," Adam said as he plugged in his access code. "She's all yours."

He had led Keith to a room full of practice sim stations. Unlike the classroom ones he'd been in before, this room was open to general use to anyone with a Garrison login (meaning, everyone except first-year cadets).

The simulation's cockpit was already way cooler than any that Keith had seen before, and he sat down in the pilot seat gingerly.

"I set it to the first level," Adam told him. "But based on what Takashi's said, I doubt that'll take you long to get past."

Keith grinned, taking hold of the joysticks. "Let's do this."

He pressed the start button, and the simulation began.

For a few minutes, Keith dodged through asteroid fields, clearing a path for himself like it was second nature.

"Nice job!" Adam exclaimed as he cleared the first level. "You're doing great!"

Keith flushed. It was weird hearing those words from someone besides Shiro, but it was a good weird. "Thanks."

When Shiro texted him an hour later asking where he was, Keith was soaring confidently through level nine.

"He's doing pretty good," Adam informed Shiro when he walked into the room a few minutes later. "Though he could do with a little less back-talk."

"Shut up, Adam." Keith chucked his water bottle at Adam's head, but he easily dodged, and the water bottle smacked against the wall.

" _Keith_ ," Adam admonished, feigning anger. "Be careful! You don't want to damage the equipment!"

Shiro laughed. "I'm glad you two are getting along."

"Yeah," Adam agreed, smiling at Keith. "Me too."

* * *

 **9.**

Adam was in the command room purely by chance when it happened.

It wasn't a part of the base that he was in often, but he had a report to hand in to Commander Iverson. And when he didn't find Iverson in his office, he was told by his secretary to check the command center instead.

It was supposed to be a quick stop—just hand him the report and leave—but as he was headed for the exit, one of the computer technicians spoke.

"Sir, we have an unidentified craft approaching Earth."

She hadn't been addressing him, of course. But Adam stopped in his tracks, turning to stare at her in surprise.

Iverson, similarly shocked, furrowed his brow. "What?" he demanded.

"A small pod," the technician confirmed. "It just entered the solar system, and it's headed straight for us."

"When will get here?"

"Based on it's current speed…" The technician paused, hurriedly tapping at her keyboard. "…about twenty minutes."

 _Twenty minutes_. None of their own ships could travel that fast.

Iverson exhaled slowly, then turned to face Adam. "Lieutenant Wickham?"

"Yes, sir?"

"Find Admiral Sanda. Let her know she's needed in the command center at once. Tell her it's a code Zulu Niner."

He took a deep breath, the significance of that code not failing to resonate with him. "Yes, sir."

—

Sanda was in the command room within three minutes, and as no one had officially dismissed him, Adam slipped in behind her.

The computer technician had projected a satellite video feed of the ship onto the main screen, and Sanda was studying it intently. "It's not like the last one," she commented.

Adam tensed. _The last one_. He'd heard rumors of that last space ship, connecting it with that night a year ago when the base went on lockdown. And the repetition of that same security code only confirmed it.

"They're hailing us," the technician announced, and it was though the whole room suddenly held its breath.

"Accept it," Sanda ordered. At the technician's nod, she continued, "This is the Galaxy Garrison. Identify yourself and state your intentions."

The intercom crackled. "Hello? S-Sanda? This is—" There was a shaky exhale of breath, and Adam's eyes widened. He _knew_ this voice.

"This is Commander Samuel Holt."

A wave of hushed voices swept through the room. _He's alive_ , Adam thought in awe. _Commander Holt's alive. And if he's alive, then—_

His breathing stilled.

 _Takashi._

Iverson's eyes were neatly bugging out of his head. "Sam?!"

Over the intercom, Sam chuckled. "Good to hear from you, Mitch."

"What happened to you?"

A sigh. "That's a long story," Sam said. "But I can tell you all about it in about fifteen minutes. Permission to land?"

Adam's gaze went to Admiral Sanda, who was standing calmly with her hands folded behind her back. After a moment, she replied: "Permission granted."

"Fantastic," Commander Holt said. "I'll see you all soon."

The room fell into silence, everyone processing what had just happened.

"What about the rest of the crew?"

Adam didn't realize he'd spoken until everyone's eyes were suddenly latched onto him. "I mean," he stammered, "the rest of the crew from the Kerberos mission. Lieutenant Holt and…and Lieutenant Shirogane."

Admiral Sanda's lip curled as she realized that he had still been in the room throughout Sam's transmission. "Lieutenant Wickham," she said, "I know you were… _close_ with Lieutenant Shirogane—" Adam's fists clenched. "—but this matter hardly concerns you."

"I beg your pardon?" Adam was incredulous. "This seems like it would concern the entire base. No, the entire _world_. What about their families? What about—"

"That's enough, Lieutenant," Sanda cut him off. "We'll speak with Commander Holt once he lands to ask about his crew and what happened to them. There will be no further discussion of this matter outside this room. You're dismissed."

Adam's blood boiled. "What? But—"

" _Dismissed_."

"Yes, Admiral."

* * *

 **4.**

"Crazy how fast it all goes by," Adam commented.

Shiro, seated at the kitchenette table going over his graduation speech one last time, hummed absently in response.

"I mean, it feels like just yesterday that you were stalking me to return a notebook," he continued, sprawled on the sofa. "And now look at you!"

Adam had graduated the Garrison academy the year before. And, starting tomorrow, Shiro would be joining him as official Garrison personnel. The only thing standing in the way was the graduation ceremony itself.

When they'd first asked Shiro to give a speech at the ceremony, he'd accepted with pride and enthusiasm. Now, at one AM the night before, a mere nine hours until it began, he was wracked with anxiety and second-guessing his every word.

"Takashi? Are you even listening?"

At the sound of his name, Shiro started. "What? Sorry."

Adam laughed, getting up of the sofa. He wrapped his arms around Shiro from behind, resting his chin on his shoulder. "You're not still worrying about your speech, are you?"

Shiro sighed. "I am, a bit, yeah."

"A bit," Adam echoed, and Shiro could practically hear his skeptical grin.

"A bit," Shiro insisted. He sighed again, relaxing into Adam's arms. "I just…want to make sure this goes perfect."

Adam hugged him a bit tighter. "You're going to do great, Takashi."

—

He only fumbled during his speech _once_.

—

After the ceremony had ended, the two of them headed out to town.

They'd been invited to dinner by a few other groups—some people from Shiro's flight class, the Holts (celebrating Matt's own graduation), some of Adam's colleagues—but they'd turned them all down, preferring to spend the night alone, with just the two of them.

So they went out to dinner together. Adam had made a reservation at some fancy candlelit restaurant. "It's a special occasion," he said. "We should celebrate!"

And so celebrate, they did.

It was just after the waiter had come to take their orders when Shiro decided to take the plunge. He felt around in his pocket for the tenth time that day, making sure that the box was still there. "Hey, Adam?"

"Yeah?"

Shiro took a deep breath, tapping his fingers against the tabletop. "I—god, I don't even know where to start." He laughed nervously, then cleared his throat. "Adam," he started again. "Adam Wickham. I just wanted to say thank you. You've been such an important part of my life, and I know that I wouldn't be where I am today if it weren't for you."

Adam quirked a smile. He opened his mouth to say something, but Shiro held up a hand to stop him. "Wait. I'm not done."

Adam snickered. "Carry on, then."

Shiro took another deep breath, steeling himself, then pulled the ring box out of his pocket. "I've never been happier than I am when I'm with you," he said, opening the box and holding it out to Adam. "You've been by my side for the past four years, and I don't want that to change."

Adam's eyes had widened, almost comically so. "Takashi," he breathed.

"Adam Wickham," Shiro said again. "Will you marry me?"

Adam had one hand over his mouth, eyes as wide as saucers. And after a long moment, he began to laugh.

Shiro blinked, uncertain. "Um. Adam?" He cleared his throat. "If—if you don't want to do this now—"

"No, no, that's not it," Adam hastened to assure him. "It's just…." He stifled another peal of laughter, reaching into his own pocket to place something onto the table.

"Oh," Shiro said as he looked at the little box that Adam had put before him. " _Oh_."

And then they were both laughing.

"So if it wasn't clear," Adam said with a smile, reaching across the table to take Shiro's hand, "yes. My answer is yes."

Shiro let out another breathless laugh. "I love you."

"I love you, too."

And as they each put on the rings they'd gotten for each other, Shiro smiled, knowing that somehow, everything was going to be okay.

* * *

 **10.**

It had been one of the first things out of Shiro's mouth when they'd arrived at the Garrison— _"Is Adam here?"_

He hadn't wanted to ask right away—they had important matters to deal with concerning the fate of their planet. But seeing Lance reunite with his family, and Pidge with hers, and seeing the pain and disappointment on Hunk's face….

So when he'd had a moment of relative privacy, while the Paladins were still all getting cleaned up and dressed into clean Garrison uniforms, Shiro had tracked down a group of officers to ask.

His question was met with a lot of solemn expressions, downcast eyes, looks of pity, and that was answer enough.

Really, he should have known when there wasn't anyone there to meet his arrival.

Shiro had lived a lifetime in the few years since he'd left. He'd been through so much, changed so much. He was a completely different person now.

But he'd hoped—

He'd hoped that maybe Adam would be constant—a little sliver of normalcy, something that felt _right_ in the wake of all these nightmares.

He should have known the world wouldn't let him have that.

Iverson had led him through the base, taking him to a large room. "It's a memorial," he explained, opening the door, "to all those that we've lost at the hands of the Galra."

It was massive—a wall of polished marble, curved around the circular platform in the middle of the room. It was covered in plaques, featuring names and photographs of all those that the Garrison had lost in first waves of the Galra invasion.

And Shiro was struck with the enormity of it all. Yet he knew that this only represented a small fraction of all the lives that had been lost. Earth had been under siege for years, and this memorial only listed Garrison personnel. There would be countless others who had died in other attacks, in raids, in prison….

Adam's name was towards the beginning, and Shiro realized just how early in the invasion he must have been killed.

Shiro choked back a sob, leaning forward to rest his forehead against the memorial. "Oh, Adam," he whispered. "I should have been here. I'm so sorry."

* * *

" _I've never been happier than I was when I was with you_."

* * *

 **AN:**

hi

I haven't written anything since like. Season five.

Sorry.

I _started_ several things! But then I never actually finished any of them, haha.

But then, after the NYCC Voltron panel last week, I was hit with inspiration again, so I decided to finish one of those things that I started ages ago.

This one was actually a request from my dear roommate Andie. The prompt was just "something with Adam" so here you go  
I also let her choose Adam's last name: Wickham. It means 'home' which just makes everything _even more heartbreaking, amiright?_

I think? The section with Matt is one of my favorites? I had too much fn writing that part, lol. #OriginalGarrisonTrio  
(This one time in high school, my Latin class was conscripted into helping our teacher reorganize his classroom. None of us really liked him. At one point, he asked me to move his bookcase and reorganize the books. I sorted his books into rainbow order, instead of something actually useful. So that's where that came from.)

Anyways, I hope you guys enjoyed this one! ^_^ I've got some other stuff in the works too that I'm hoping to finish soon (def before s8 airs) so keep an eye out!

~Brigit


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